Progress

Today my Facebook status has been “grateful” for most of the day. I do feel gratitude in my heart, though not for any particular thing. Maybe it’s just gratitude that I have life and breath, and that really is quite enough for me to be grateful about forever!

The last couple of weeks have a particular hell for me. It’s nothing unique to me. And it’s not the first time for me to have a romantic relationship end. But I’ve never had one end quite this way. In any event, I am slowly trudging through and riding the emotional roller coaster. At least I don’t feel angry anymore. I don’t really do anger well and I’m glad I’m past that. Much of the hurt is gone. But there’s sadness still. Often at the little things. Being at the store and having a memory triggered. A smell or a sound. Or someone mentioning something that makes think of something we shared. I really don’t remember any of the bad moments or the doubt or the fear. Just the good and the fun and the happy. There is that to be grateful for right now. I still have a lot of love. Love that needs to fade or change or something. I know it will, with the passage of time, but I wish I could hurry that up!

It is progress along the journey.

I have been listening a lot to a Mary Chapin Carpenter album a friend gave me. One of my favorite songs ever is on it. Jubilee. Wherever we are, that’s where we’re headed. To that place where we are known as ourselves, loved because of who we are, and where we know we belong because we belong to each other and to the one to whom all things and all lives belong. And perhaps the biggest thing we have to do while we are here is be companions to one another and help each other along the way. I could do with knowing that I’m headed to a big party!

-David