I do choose

I have had one serious roller coaster of a couple of weeks. The end of a relationship which was fairly serious for me. Certainly more serious than it was for him. And there was quite a bit of hurt. But none of it intentional. I usually try to keep my emotions under control, but finally I just let everything out with him. I was fine until he said that something that implied I was acting without trust, and that sent me over the edge. It was actually a really good thing. I had been dealing with stuff myself but it was hard and slow and getting it out let us work through it together. On the other side was forgiveness and peace and a different degree of love. Life is much better.

 

In the Gospel lesson for this morning, Jesus says to a leper who has come to him demanding to be healed, “I do choose.” It’s always interesting to me what jumps out at me as I listen to the readings. It’s usually some short phrase that leaps from the air and grabs me. This morning it was “I do choose.”

I often think of God as a cosmic dispenser of infinite mercy and justice, knowing that no matter what I do, God’s love will always be there for me and that I am always in God’s care. And that is certainly true. But this morning I was reminded that though God’s nature is generosity and love, God has chosen to love. God chose to create. God chooses to be in fellowship with us. It is both God’s nature and God’s choice. One of those mystery things.

It also makes Jesus much more human to me, to hear him say that he chooses. The he isn’t just an automaton acting out the divine will. And it reminds me that each and every day, in everything I do, ever act I take, I am choosing. Whether I give conscious thought or not, I am choosing. And for each of my choices I bear responsibility. Some are good and some are bad. But none are beyond the pale of God’s grace. And I must remember that applies to the choices others make when they relate to and with me.

-David