Fun

I remember back when I was coming out and my therapist told me to expect a bit of a second adolescence. I knew what he was talking about, and some of what I was feeling at the time did hearken back to those turbulent years. The searching for who I am and what I believe and what choices I was going to make for my self. Taking responsibility for my life.

But, of course, it is different when you go through some of that as a fairly well established, responsible adult. The experience of life often keeps you from living with the wild abandon possible as an adolescent and young adult. And that's not a bad thing! I'm much more aware that there are some serious consequences to each and every choice I make.

To my relief, and the surprise of my therapist and some close gay friends, I didn't have a "wild" phase. Or perhaps I've just not had it yet! No, I don't think that's me. I took a slower, thoughtful path as I came out and got involved in the gay community. And now I'm glad I did. Because as I begin to date or seek to date or flirt or whatever is I'm doing, I'm feeling a lot like an adolescent.

There's a bit of the nervousness and fear, but a lot of the rush. I think if I had really started trying to date right out of the closet door, I would have spent a lot of time just hooking up. I can really feel the temptation there. I'm not saying I've been celibate, but I've been pretty deliberate and conscientious.

Lately, I've been quasi-dating someone. I say quasi-dating because neither of wants to call it dating because neither wants a serious relationship right now. It's more of a growing friendship with a lot of flirting. And it's a bit addictive! I do feel like I'm back in high school at times. We have great phone conversations and fun when we are together. At the same time, it's not a dating relationship so I can use the flirting skills I'm honing with him on other guys when the opportunity arises! Basically it's just fun.

I am feeling less and less nervous about dating, and definitely more self-confident. After a couple of months of serious life upheaval around my job, it's nice to feel that so many things are working together well and to feel free to have some fun for a bit.

-David