They are all perfect

One of the things some of my close and sincere and totally accepting straight friends don't get is the enormous variety within the gay community and the fact that we don't all get along just because we're gay. Racism and bigotry exist everywhere.


But that's not what I'm really writing about. There is a less serious aspect to our diversity, but which occasionally is brought to my attention. It's the discrimination that more effeminate men sometimes experience. It's one thing to find certainly personalities not attractive to you. That's the nature of attraction. But it's another thing entirely to belittle or denigrate men who are not as butch or masculine, whatever masculinity really is.

I experienced this recently with both a gay friend and a straight friend, on separate occasions. Not directed at me personally. The gay friend was simply commenting on how he doesn't like to be around effeminate guys. The straight friend was talking about a gay friend of mine. Neither of them was being intentionally rude, but caused me to reflect on my own feelings.

At one time, more obviously gay men, at least stereotypically gay, made me uncomfortable. When I was living the straight life, such men were only more visible reminders of my own denied reality. However, since coming out, I find myself enthralled by the wonder of our diversity. The gifts that we each bring to the table and the rewards of relationship with so many different people.

Today I found myself flipping channels and came across The Last Samurai, about half way through, and watched it to the ending. I've always enjoyed it and found it moving as a story of personal redemption and finding meaning in life. Today, I picked up on something I had missed.

Katsumoto was working on a poem about cherry tree blossoms, struggling to fnd the last line. He told Nathan Algren that a lifetime spent searching for the perfect blossom would be a life well spent. Later in the movie, as he was dying in he saw petals blowing in the wind and uttered his last words, "They are all perfect."

The realization that each blossom was perfect in itself, what it was meant to be, is a powerful one. As we are each the image of God, we are each perfect, each in our own way. I hope that I am always able to hold that truth both for my own life and for those of all the perfect images of God I meet along my journey.


On a completely unrelated note, I had an actual, honest-to-goodness date this week. A go out to dinner and drinks sort of date. It was good, and fun, and we're going out again.

-David

Sometimes it doesn't take much

Now and then I have an experience that reminds me of those bumper stickers about committing acts of random kindness. Often, my experience is not random - it is small and routine and ordinary, but it has a big impact. This past weekend, or actually the last 7 days or so, was filled with such ordinary but meaningful experiences. Perhaps it's my own neediness being fulfilled. In fact, I'm sure that's it. But sometimes the things friends do without thought really just fall into some small empty place that needed to be filled.

I had dinner with a friend, twice in last few days, and a couple of phone calls with another, that came at perfect moments and made me feel just generally happy. Nothing magical, just happy. Interactions that were fun and funny and ordinary and just made the day seem good. Coupled with email and text messages from others, it's just reminded me of how many wonderful people are in my life and how good life really is.

On the negative side, it has reminded me, as I told someone recently, I suck as a friend. I'm horrible about making contact because most of my friends are evidently used to contacting me regularly. So I get to sit back and enjoy the attention. It's really rather selfish of me and I need to do better. Especially after having such a good last week or so all because of others' efforts to maintain relationship with me.

On another, totally unrelated note, I came across some funny lyrics the other day, on a blog and I can't remember whose! Anyway, you can find them here - "Jesus loves me but He can't stand you". I think my favorite line, because it's one I've heard used by people, just not quite with these words - "Jesus loves me, this I know, And he told me where you're gonna go". Hate sin, love the sinner. Whatever.

I find myself more and more unable to understand both the civic and religious opposition to gays and lesbians, bisexual, and transgendered people. I'll leave the civic issues alone, because opposition at that level just seems idiotic in a free country. On the religious side, there was a time when I sincerely understood the position of conservatives, or traditionalists, or reasserters, or whatever you want to call them. But I'm having a harder and harder time with that. The more I experience God's love, and God's call to love and to be love, the more I struggle to understand such exclusion and narrowness of love. How infinite is God and how wondrous and amazing is the incredible diversity and richness of creation! That's my experience. And in that experience, there are no words of unwelcome, no uninvited, no unloved, no unaccepted.

And on yet another note, next Tuesday is the Spring Concert of the Men's Chorus of the Magic City Choral Society. There is one piece we are doing that I am exceptionally UNfond of, but otherwise, there's some good stuff. It's Tuesday, May 13, at 7:30pm at the Southside Baptist Church in Birmingham. A part of it will be a tribute to all of the organizations in the local gay community who have been so supportive of us. And the concert itself, free of charge, is our opportunity to return something both to our gay community and to the larger Birmingham community.

Because of the tribute portion of the concert, and because my daughters will be there, at some point over the next few days I will be sitting down with my oldest daughter and coming out to her. Not that she has any idea what coming out is. But she does know what it means to be gay and is just entering the period of life where so many negative stereotypes will begin to form. Although her mother and I are raising our children to be loving and accepting, we know that peer pressure is powerful. It is important that I be open and honest about myself with them and that they understand that words and ideas are powerful and aren't just about others, but touch all of us. I'm a bit nervous, but not concerned. When she understands that so many of my friends, adults whom she knows and loves, all know and love and accept me, I think that will help her to feel more comfortable.

-David